Self-compassion for international students, By Dr Vanita Chamdal (she/her)

Part 1: Being kind to yourself in a new environment

Self-kindness vs. Self-judgment

Want to skip straight to the strategies? Click here  

 

Adjusting to life abroad

Let’s start with the obvious: deciding to study in another country is a huge step. You’re not just taking on academic challenges, you’re navigating a new culture, language, and essentially a whole new world

And all of this is happening while you are far away from your usual support system. It can feel overwhelming at times, so much so that research has explored this initial transition and coined it the J curve theory (Collins et al., 2021). The theory suggests that international students’ adjustment follows a “J” shape:

• initial excitement and optimism during the honeymoon phase
• followed by a dip in wellbeing as challenges like culture shock, homesickness, and academic pressures set in. This is the crisis phase, where students may feel isolated or question their decision.
• Over time, adaptation begins (see part 2 for further detail on this). Adaptation can look like adjusting to academic expectations, cultural norms, and daily routines.

For some students (regardless of whether they are domestic or international), significant changes -like transitioning to university, can be associated with depression, anxiety, sleep disorders, and stress (Paiva et al., 2025). These difficulties may arise from pre-existing mental health conditions, but they can also emerge for the first time in response to new stressors, making students vulnerable to developing mental health challenges during this period.

Over time, many adapt and develop coping strategies, cultural awareness, and stronger support networks. This leads to personal development, where confidence and well-being grow. Knowing this can be somewhat comforting, as it shows you are not alone in experiencing culture shock, language barriers, different academic expectations, and feelings of loneliness. Interestingly, this is not the only model exploring the experience of international students, indicating that ups and downs in wellbeing are actually a normal and expected part of adjusting.

Many students can fall into the trap of self-judgement, which can include (but is not limited to) thoughts such as comparing yourself to others. This can present with thoughts like:

• “I should be doing better.”
• “Everyone else seems to be coping just fine.”
• “My English isn’t good enough.”

This inner critic can be understood as ‘self-judgment’ presenting as harsh self-criticism, self-blame, and expecting a lot from yourself. And while these thoughts can feel motivating at first (“I just need to work harder”), they often end up creating more stress, isolation, and exhaustion.

For more information, check out Kristin Neff’s concept of self-compassion. This three-part blog series will draw on her theory to provide support for the international student community.

How to avoid the trap!

Now, imagine you’re talking to a close friend who just moved abroad and they’re struggling with loneliness and other practical issues like navigating public transport. Have a think now, what would you say to a friend who’s experiencing the challenges of settling into another country?…

Most likely you would not respond with “You should be doing better” or “You’re just not cut out for this”.

This technique can be a powerful way to practice self-kindness. As Neff (2023), explains, self-kindness does not mean eliminating self-criticism altogether but rather involves responding to your own distress with genuine care and understanding. Reminding yourself that adjustment takes time and allowing space to simply be human is an important part of this process (this will be discussed further in the next blog post). Sometimes, addressing challenges means stepping back, creating distance, and focusing on reconnecting with yourself. Self-compassion activities like mindfulness and engaging in empathy towards oneself can help reduce stress responses (Birnie et al., 2010).

Building on this, research has shown that exercising self-compassion is often associated with reduced negative mental states like depression, anxiety (Ferrari et al., 2019) and stress (Hughes et al., 2021). A possible explanation to this is due to the reduction in negative automatic thinking (Yip & W, 2020) and an increase in emotional regulation (Inwood & Ferrari, 2018). For this reason, it can be helpful to see this as a way of building emotional resilience and thus, being able to cope better when facing challenges at university.

So, let’s try some self-kindness strategies…

1. Daily encouragement

At some point in the day, write on a post it note something that helps you exercise self-kindness:

I’m doing my best today, and that is enough.

It’s okay to rest, I deserve care as much as anyone else.

I am learning and growing every day.

I’m allowed to take things one step at a time.

I can offer myself the same kindness I’d offer a friend.

2. Celebrate small wins

Acknowledge any milestone you have made recently, every achievement is worth recognising, some examples are:

• Navigating public transport.
• Your first cooked meal.
• Making a new friend.
• Submitting your first assignment.
• Asking a question in class.

 

3. Bring home closer to you

Being far away from home doesn’t mean you end up removing it from your daily life, small actions/objects can help you feel closer to home. Maybe use your senses for this…

Hear: Familiar music or radio from home,  conversations in your first language, calling family and friends.

See: Photos of loved ones or anything that reminds you of home, cultural decorations/art, watching a movie that reminds you of home.

Smell: Familiar scents from home (cooking, brewing tea), perfumes, room scents.

Taste:  Home-cooked meals, snacks from home.

Touch: Blankets or cushions from home/keepsakes, physical activities like sports or dance that helps you feel connected to home.

Using all of your senses can help with ‘body focused’ kindness while looking after your nutrition, hydration, and gentle movement are acts of self-kindness, not just ‘practicalities’.

4. Care for your body

Looking after your body is a powerful way of practicing self-kindness.

Sleep and rest: Allow yourself to rest without guilt. This is not laziness! It’s how your body restores and repairs.

Nutrition: Eating balanced meals is a way of saying, “I deserve energy and care.” Try to notice how different foods make you feel and choose what nourishes you (see the note above on how cooked meals can help you feel closer to home)

Movement: Moving your body doesn’t have to mean an intense workout, any kind of movement counts! Movement is less about performance and more about giving your body the chance to release stress and feel good.

 

Think of these actions not as obligations, but as daily opportunities to remind yourself: “I’m worth caring for.”

 

While this post has focused on self-kindness, the next part of this series will explore how connecting with others (peers, societies, and your wider university community) can ease feelings of isolation and strengthen your sense of belonging.

 

The key takeaway messages (TLDR): Key Takeaways: Be kind to yourself in a new environment.  

• Adjustment is a process: International students often follow a predictable pattern of excitement, dip in wellbeing, and gradual recovery (e.g., J-curve theory). Struggles don’t mean you’re failing, they’re a normal part of adapting.
• Self-judgment makes things harder: Comparing yourself to others or telling yourself you “should be doing better” increases stress, isolation, and exhaustion.
• Self-kindness builds resilience: Speaking to yourself as you would to a friend, practising compassion, and allowing time to adjust helps you cope better with challenges.
• Practical strategies help:
  • Daily encouragement (kind reminders to yourself).
  • Celebrate small wins (recognise progress, however small).
  • Bring home closer (use all five senses for comfort and grounding).
  • Care for your body (sleep, nutrition and movement as acts of kindness).
• For ALL students
  • You’re not alone: While this post focuses on self-kindness, remember that connection is equally important. The next part of this series will explore how finding common humanity can ease isolation and strengthen belonging.

 

 

Birnie, K., Speca, M., & Carlson, L. E. (2010). Exploring self‐compassion and empathy in the context of mindfulness‐based stress reduction (MBSR). Stress and Health, 26(5), 359–371. https://doi.org/10.1002/smi.1305

Collins, H., Dailey-Strand, C., & Callaghan, D. (2021). ‘Those first few months were horrible.’ Journal of Comparative & International Higher Education, 13(4), 73–84. https://doi.org/10.32674/jcihe.v13i4.3267

Ferrari, M., Hunt, C., Harrysunker, A., Abbott, M. J., Beath, A. P., & Einstein, D. A. (2019). Self-Compassion Interventions and Psychosocial Outcomes: a Meta-Analysis of RCTs. Mindfulness, 10(8), 1455–1473. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-019-01134-6

Hughes, M., Brown, S. L., Campbell, S., Dandy, S., & Cherry, M. G. (2021). Self-Compassion and Anxiety and Depression in Chronic Physical Illness Populations: a Systematic Review. Mindfulness, 12(7), 1597–1610. https://doi.org/10.1007/s12671-021-01602-y

Inwood, E., & Ferrari, M. (2018). Mechanisms of Change in the Relationship between Self‐Compassion, Emotion Regulation, and Mental Health: A Systematic Review. Applied Psychology Health and Well-Being, 10(2), 215–235. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12127

Neff, K. D. (2022). Self-Compassion: theory, method, research, and intervention. Annual Review of Psychology, 74(1), 193–218. https://doi.org/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047

Paiva, U., Cortese, S., Flor, M., Moncada-Parra, A., Lecumberri, A., Eudave, L., Magallón, S., García-González, S., Sobrino-Morras, Á., Piqué, I., Mestre-Bach, G., Solmi, M., & Arrondo, G. (2025). Prevalence of mental disorder symptoms among university students: an umbrella review. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews, 175, 106244. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neubiorev.2025.106244

Yip, V. T., & W, E. T. M. (2020). Self-compassion and attention: self-compassion facilitates disengagement from negative stimuli. The Journal of Positive Psychology, 16(5), 593–609. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2020.1778060